Battling Mental Health and Motherhood: Finding Strength in the Chaos

Motherhood is a journey filled with love, joy, and unforgettable moments, but it can also bring immense challenges, especially when mental health struggles come into play. The intersection of mental health and motherhood often feels like a battlefield, with no clear manual or roadmap to follow. This is a glimpse into the raw and unfiltered side of motherhood that many don’t talk about—from my perspective.

The Loneliness of the Journey

Motherhood, especially in the early weeks and months, (for me), felt like a very isolating experience. My days were spent at home— I was recovering from my c-section, and the connection to my past life seemed so far away. My grasp to the outside world shrunk—leaving me feeling by myself in my early moments in motherhood.

It was often in the quiet moments, when my son was finally asleep, that the loneliness felt the heaviest. Scrolling through social media didn’t help; seeing my childless friends living their life—smiling, thriving, going out—only deepened the sense of inadequacy I was facing. This isolation compounded my mental health struggles—creating a vicious cycle of feeling unseen and unsupported—even though my partner was more than amazing- and my friends and family always checked up on me.

For mothers battling a history of mental health already, like myself, the guilt ran even deeper. I often heard of “baby blues” aka postpartum depression happening after birth, but what about preexisting depression and more? What about those who already struggle with mental illness? Would it worsen? Would I feel the same?

Going into my postpartum-hood, I felt very anxious. So anxious I felt like the ball was going to drop at any moment and this black cloud of doom was going to linger over me and my baby. I was worried—worried I wouldn’t be able to be the mom he needed; the mom I knew I could be—all the emotions ran through me like no other.

I even googled these feelings I was facing and nothing helpful popped up—they all just talked about baby blues. I wanted, needed, to know the difference. Was there one?

As I’ve been a mom now of 5 months, I can attest that when (or if) you have a depressive episode, it is hard; regardless of if it is depression or postpartum of all of the above. It is hard to pull yourself out of bed to sit on the floor and play with your baby; It is hard to show up with a smile when all I want to do is pull the covers over my head.

There’s guilt for not feeling the way you think you’re supposed to—guilt for not having the energy to play, for needing time away, or for snapping in moments of frustration. And, the guilt is relentless—whispering that you’re not good enough, no matter how much you do.

One of the hardest parts of motherhood I’ve faced with mental health struggles, is the need to put on a brave face.

Society’s expectations of mothers often make it hard to voice these struggles. Admitting to friends or family that you’re struggling can feel like admitting failure. The fear of judgment keeps many mothers, like myself, silent; perpetuating the myth that they’re the only ones feeling this way. And the truth is, we all have a similar journey, with a similar story, all struggling the same.

The love of it all

Despite the challenges, there are moments of light that keep me going. My son’s laughter, the way he looks at me when he nurses—his milestones that bring me emended joy. These glimpses of joy don’t erase my struggles, but they offer me a sense of purpose and a reminder that there is beauty in it all.

Motherhood and mental health can coexist, even in the hardest moments. But, it’s not about pretending the challenges don’t exist but about finding strength in vulnerability and allowing space for both struggle and triumph. While the journey may be messy, it’s also a testament to the resilience and love that define motherhood.

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